I have been not blogging for a while. Lots of weird stuff going on in my life.
First, I started having trouble with the eyes and had to go through a eye laser treatment. Was totally bummed out.
Then I started to realize that I am getting depressed. Once I realized that, it just drained all my energy and sent me into a nice spiral into the dark end. Now I am recovering and trying to crawl back out.
Lots of interesting insights into myself as I pull myself out. Will be talking more on that.

 I can say that I love  testing my sugars !!
I test it four times a day and then record each data into my site FightType2.com.

Last weekend I finished my strips and asked for a refill, but the pharmacy needed to call my doctor who did not respond in time, so I found myself without any test strips for a whole weekend. I was nervous as hell. I know that if I am not testing then I am not watching what I am consuming. I survived, but did learn some things about myself.
Here is a summary -
- If I am not testing, my diet restrictions get relaxed. This is a spiraling relaxation, i.e. it keeps relaxing more and more as days go by.
- My mind keeps reminding me to exercise. But not watching the sugars means that I am more willing to make excuses to not exercise to myself.
- No strips, less control, does not mean less stress. Each night before going to sleep, I would always stress on whether I am doing good.
- I missed testing my fasting sugars the most. In my head I want this number to be the most in control. Why, I do not know.

I got my strips in yesterday, finally. Checked my sugar after lunch, I was at 131.

Whoo hoo!!! still doing good.

 have been reading a book called the The Cheating Culture: Why More Americans Are Doing Wrong to Get Ahead. It is a great book, a little dark as it is telling a dark story, but a good read. Makes you want to think about how there is cheating around you and how the culture is self propagating the whole things. I have seen the cheating happen in the USA as well as India. It is not that the cheating is limited to just the two countries, but I know of what I have observed myself. I myself have cheated at times and so I know I am no moral authority who is out there decrying the others for their actions.

Lately I see the whole pharmaceutical industry cheating around me. They bring out new drugs in the market that are no better that the exisiting ones, but the companies and the regulatory agencises cheat the comsumers by not making comparitive studies. Negative results are being hidden away and sometimes totally wiped out. There is a concerted effort of starting more rigourous drugs on all patients as soon as possible, as early as possible. I know there are some good things too, but the bad is also out there and someone needs to keep talking about it.

The one thing that I know I can not cheat is my diabetes. It is there, it is here. I can cheat myself and tell myself that I have good sugars, but the numbers are there for me to see. The affects on my body are there for real, it is not any cheating.

Lesson to learn - You can cheat a system and another person, but it is impossible to cheat yourself and nature. The basic laws of nature are so basic that you cannot cheat with them.